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Pet bereavement & Counselling
Farewell to our beloved furiend:
The emotional journey after a pet’s passing
In the journey of life, pets are often our most loyal companions. For many people, pets are not just animals, but family members and little angels in daily life, and an irreplaceable part of the household. As time goes by, this companionship allows us to develop a deep emotional bond with them.
Yet the fragility of life often catches us unprepared. When a beloved pet dies, the loss can feel as painful as losing a close relative. For children who have grown up with pets, such a loss may leave a deep emotional wound. When confronted with a reality that is hard to accept, the heart is filled with endless longing and regret for the time spent together; happy memories with the pet keep resurfacing in the mind, while waves of grief and emptiness surge through us.
For those who have never experienced bereavement or the loss of a pet, it may be difficult to truly understand what the owner is going through, and this pain can feel beyond words. In the face of a pet’s passing, how to move through grief and once again find inner peace becomes a challenge many people must face. Although this difficult journey is painful, it also teaches us many precious life lessons: the loss of a pet helps us better appreciate how important those ordinary yet cherished moments in life really are; it is precisely this companionship that fills our lives with meaning and color.
We can hold on to the belief that those beautiful memories will never fade, and that the love in our hearts will always remain with us.
The five stages of grief （Kübler-Ross, 1969)
The five-stage grief model was proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, originally to describe the psychological process experienced by terminally ill patients when facing death, but it was soon widely adopted as a theoretical framework for understanding general grief reactions.
The course of grief is not linear. People may experience different emotional reactions at different times and with varying intensity, and these “stages” do not necessarily occur in a fixed order. You may not go through all of the stages, or you may revisit some of them repeatedly; the bereavement experience can also look very different from person to person. Most importantly, you are allowed to give yourself space to face and express grief in the way that best suits you.
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Denial: Owners may initially find it hard to accept the fact that their pet has died, feeling detached from reality or emotionally numb. Deep down, they may not want to believe the pet is really gone and keep trying to look for other explanations.
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Anger: Owners may feel that what happened is extremely unfair, especially in cases of sudden accidents or a rapid decline in the pet’s health. After losing a long‑time animal companion, the owner or other caregivers may feel angry at themselves, at others, or even at the veterinary team, believing that not enough was done to save the pet.
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Bargaining: Owners may repeatedly replay the past, reviewing and questioning the decisions they made at the time, wishing they could “exchange” something to bring the pet back to life, or imagining that if they could return to the past and choose differently, the outcome might have changed.
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Depression: Owners may experience intense and persistent sadness and pain, along with a profound sense of loss and hopelessness. Their motivation and interest in daily life may noticeably decline, and they may feel it is very hard to emerge from their grief.
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Acceptance: Owners gradually learn to accept and adapt to life without their pet’s companionship. As time goes by, the intensity of the grief slowly lessens. Although the feeling of missing the pet remains, they are able to hold on to the love and connection in their memories while re‑engaging with life.
Reference：Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and Dying. New York: Macmillan.
Suggestions for grieving pet owners and their family and friends
Expressive Writing: A Journey of Healing
After losing a beloved pet, we may experience grief that words can hardly describe. Research has shown that systematically writing down our inner thoughts and feelings – known as "expressive writing" – can effectively improve both physical and mental well-being. This writing approach helps us process our emotional journey step by step.
Writing Guidelines:
• Write for 15-20 minutes daily
• Continue for 4 consecutive days
• Express your feelings and thoughts about the event
• Transform scattered memories into a coherent life story
• Shift from "Why did this happen to me?" to "What have I learned from this?"
Why It Works:
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Organizing Inner Thoughts
Expressive writing helps sort through emotional chaos, bringing clarity to confused feelings. Multiple studies have confirmed its positive effects on both physical and psychological health (ref 1, 2, 3). -
Mind-Body Connection
According to Professor Bessel van der Kolk (ref 4), trauma memories are stored in our body. Combined with yoga or progressive muscle relaxation, writing can help restore balance to our nervous system. -
Transforming Grief into Strength
Staub & Vollhardt (ref 5) suggest that helping others who share similar experiences not only gives new meaning to suffering but also becomes a powerful force for healing.
Before You Start:
• Find a quiet, undisturbed space
• Let your emotions flow naturally
• Don't worry about writing style or spelling
• This is your private space
• Take breaks whenever needed
References
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Mogk, C., Otte, S., Reinhold-Hurley, B., & Kröner-Herwig, B. (2006). Health effects of expressive writing on stressful or traumatic experiences - a meta-analysis. Psychosoc Med, 3, Doc06.
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Pavlacic, J. M., Buchanan, E. M., Maxwell, N. P., Hopke, T. G., & Schulenberg, S. E. (2019). A Meta-Analysis of Expressive Writing on Posttraumatic Stress, Posttraumatic Growth, and Quality of Life. Review of General Psychology, 23(2), 230-250. https://doi.org/10.1177/1089268019831645
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Reinhold, M., Bürkner, P. C., & Holling, H. (2018). Effects of expressive writing on depressive symptoms—A meta‐analysis. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 25(1), 80. https://doi.org/10.1111/cpsp.12224
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van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
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Staub, E., & Vollhardt, J. (2008). Altruism born of suffering: the roots of caring and helping after victimization and other trauma. Am J Orthopsychiatry, 78(3), 267-280.
If you wish to, you are welcome to visit "A Letter to My Beloved Companion" and share your feelings in expressions of longing and blessings for your beloved furry companion.
You may also email caringkids@hku.hk directly. Please indicate "A letter to my beloved companion".
Pet Bereavement Questionnaire (PBQ‑C)
If you would like to understand which emotions have been troubling you since your pet passed away (including grief, anger, and guilt), you can complete this questionnaire. It can help you gain an overview of your grief and see which aspects are more prominent.
*Note: This is only a tool for self‑understanding and cannot replace a professional diagnosis. If you feel your score is relatively high, please seek professional help and discuss it with a qualified practitioner to receive appropriate advice.
Seek Professional Advice
If you need someone to listen to you in a professional capacity, you can seek help from counselling professionals who can support you in sorting through your feelings and walking with you through this emotional low point.
Counselling Services
Counselling Unit, Department of Social Work and Social Administration, The University of Hong Kong
Comfort Care Concern Group「動‧人情緣」動物晚晴及離世輔導服務
Pet Psychological Support
SPCA Free Pet Behavioural Support Hotline: 2232 5531
Counselling Hotlines
Hong Kong Mental Health Association & Department of SWSA, HKU：9480 9289
Department of Psychology, HKU：3910 3910
Hong Kong Red Cross Psychological Support Hotline：5164 5040
Open Up WhatsApp / SMS：9101 2012
Social Welfare Department Hotline：2343 2255
The Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong：2389 2222
The Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong Critical Incident Hotline：2353 0029
The Samaritans (multiple languages)：2896 0000
Suicide Prevention Services：2382 0000
Caritas Family Crisis Support Centre Hotline：18288
Hospital Authority - Mental Health Direct：2466 7350
18111 - Mental Health Support Hotline：18111
Yan Chai Hospital Emotional Support Hotline： 9371 9151
Caritas Wellness Link - Tsuen Wan：3105 5337
Caritas Wellness Link - North District：2278 1016
Caritas Jockey Club Resource and Support Centre for Carers：3892 0100
SKHWC心意行動1126火災支援熱線：8209 8122
Christian Family Service Centre Emotional Support Hotline：6466 4333
All information you share will be kept strictly confidential.
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which is made up of members who have received, or are currently receiving, training in psychology, counselling, or social work.
You may also email caringkids@hku.hk, our team will reply as soon as possible.